Standing Tall

...We were taller, yes, but you always cast the longer shadow.
Because you were more faithful to your ideals.
Because you had the guts to turn your back on what you had because you always felt that you had something better to do.
Because you refused to let your ideas fade.
Because you stayed on in the forest, rooted to the ideals you felt were more than all the good life had to offer.
We stand under that shadow no.
We will be standing under that shadow for some time to come.
And while standing under your shadow, Edjop, we will try to understand how and why it had come to this.
In the final analysis, we may not agree with what you died for...You died believing in what you lived for and that is an honor we may never even have the privilege of sharing...


Freddie Salanga, Eulogy for My Friend, Edjop
(Mr. & Ms.magazine, October 12, 1982)
Reproduced in Edjop, The Unusual Journey of Edgar Jopson by Benjamin Pimentel, Jr.

Insubordination

I dont think so. I disagree. I don't know if you appreciate my aesthetics like others do. Why cant you step down from your high horse and understand why I do this? You mock me with your smoothly polished sarcastic glare. Yet I am blindly happy. I do all the painstaking work on each point, trying to find that creative AHA moment. Dragging heels and fingernails is easier than swallowing a happy pill. Don't you dare sweeten each stroke with a fiery red flag, I know your moves. Tough luck, I will win this time. (Conversations with Maya 2008)

Il Postino - Pablo Neruda

If you forget me
I want you to know one thing
You know how this is

If I look at the crystal moon
At the red branch of the slow autumn at my window
If I touch near the fire the impalpable ash
Or the wrinkled body of the log
Everything carries me to you
As if everything that exists - aromas, light, metals
Were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me

Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you, little by little

If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember.... That on that day, at that hour
I shall lift my arms, and my roots will set off to seek another land

But... If each day, each hour
You feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness
If each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me
Ahh my love, ahh my own
In me all that fire is repeated
In me nothing is extinguished or forgotten
My love feeds on your love, beloved
And as long as you live it will be in your arms
Without leaving mine

Discord.

In the throes of confusion, I realize every single nuance removes me from who I am. I forget that I can stand on my own, covered in onion skin yet sturdy as a bark of a tree. Tempted to run away from all that reminds me of that fateful period, but steadily growing in my dependence. How easy it is to tell everyone that youre fine. How easy it is for everyone to tell you the same thing. To pull strength from within and not from people you love. Again, another feat to surpass. I lay here waiting, teethering on completely throwing everything away and starting fresh. If this is a test on how strong and patient our heart is, let it not be forgotten how human we are. That we all make mistakes. That waiting is the most difficult task to undertake.

Part 1.

Have you ever realized what is important to your family/friend/lover is not as important to you? There are things in life that drives him/her and disappoints her but to you its not a huge deal. Maybe we are just all programmed to be dreamers. The way we want to live our lives isn't the way we live it. The way we see things, the way we want to get recognized for the efforts,are always undermined by that fantasy. I am in way too deep but still dreaming. Nothing comes close.

Kundiman

Still trying to get the lyrics of this lovely filipino song.

Himig ng kundiman ay naririnig
Awit ng aking pagibig..

Dinggin mo ang awit
Matayog na pangarap
Kailan may aagos ang himig ng aking buhay sa yo
ay alay ko ang pagibig na walang hanggan

Iyong pakinggan..

a song.

What we have in our midst, everyday just makes it all the more worth living. I could not fathom how much we've grown together, with every wrong and right. You complete the heavens in my heart. There are no words to explain, no song to define this. You are my light.


" I am tired and weak but I am strong for you" Ally Kerr.

My Mushishiman

I walked ten thousand miles, ten thousand miles to see you,
And every gasp of breath I grabbed at just to find you,
I climbed up every hills to get, to you,
I wondered ancient lands to hold, just you.

And every single step of the way, of pain,
Every single night and day,
I searched for you.
Through sandstorms and hazy dawns I reached for you.

I stole ten thousand pounds, ten thousand pounds to see you,
I robbed convenient stores coz I thought they'd make it easier.
I lived off rats and toads, and I starved for you.
I fought off giants bears and I killed them too.

And every single step of the way, of pain,
Every single night and day,
I searched for you.
Through sandstorms and hazy dawns I reached for you.
I'm tired and I'm weak, but I'm strong for you.
I wanna go home, but my love gets me through.

Colorblind - Counting Crows

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine

Unfolding

I am covered in skin

No one gets to come in.
Pull me out from inside.
I am folded. and unfolded. and unfolding.

A beautiful song by the counting crows. So little is said, so impressively simple. Quite definitive as you trudge on every day, doing what you have to do to get by. The act of unfolding a soul is a heart-wrenching ordeal. Only if you're prepared to face the scalding heat, only if you know this is right for you.. its the only time you can embrace yourself. To expose yourself to pain, to love yourself despite misgivings, to forgive your own wrongdoings.. A feat for the coward, a puzzle to the young and clueless and a nirvana for those who seek it. The best part of life is loving without boundaries because you can.